For anyone who has had cancer or is metastatic like me, life
isn’t normal by any stretch. There are many facets of life that happen through
it all but fear is a big part.
There is a fear of re-occurrence or fear of it showing up in
a different place. Anytime one feels something odd, a pain, or a period of
discomfort, there is a thought in our minds that cancer has come back or in a
different place this time. Of course, nine chances out of ten, it isn’t the
dreaded C-word that is causing it, but that notion that there is a potential
for it is always there. It’s something that we have to live with; besides the
disease that fear of not knowing is always an issue. I’m not an exception to
the rule, but I’m one of the few that can put it in the back of one’s mind and
leave it there. It doesn’t bother me constantly that I’m metastatic, it’s just
one of the things in life that I live with every day that is my new normal. In order
to be ‘clear,’ you need to be free of the disease for at least seven years. Of
course that means repeated tests, scans and lord knows what else over that time
that ‘scanxiety’ kicks in. To those who aren’t familiar with that word, it’s
the uneasiness for ones scans after cancer treatment. It’s a word that we
become all too familiar with sadly but it’s a thing, trust me on that,
especially now I’m on the ‘wait and see’ approach.
There isn’t a feeling you can associate with it in the world
then when the doctor tells you that the cancer has come back. It’s one of those things you have in the back
of your mind at all times but wishful thinking that it’s not it. I remember the
day that the doctor told me that the cancer was back and wasn’t going anywhere.
Hit me like a ton of bricks but then I recomposed myself, pushed it into the
back of my mind and seen what was our next step. Again, I’m an odd bird when it
comes to these types of situations. It’s not the easiest feeling to have but it’s
one that we may have to face some day. Cancer can be a sneaky thing from time
to time, believe you me. :)
It’s not just health with respect to fear and scaniexty,
there’s finances, work, caregivers/supporters, and the list goes on. Everything
seems to jump out at you at once. Sure, people without the disease have to
worry about some of those things too, but when your health is compromised, it
makes all of them a little more immediate. The last thing that we want to have
to worry about is other things when our health is on the line.
Everyone has fears, it’s inevitable, it’s just how we deal
with them is the main thing. Whether it’s like me and stick them in the back of
one’s head or having to get someone to help them immediately. Deal with them
the best that you can and get back to most important part, healing.
