Well, what one day makes. Yesterday
was a very tough and emotional decision for which I actually had to make for
once in my young adult cancer experience. I actually had to make a choice.
Never in the history of my precarious health has an option been made before as
rare as that may seem. Usually it's 'this' and we do it. No worrying. No
hassle, just do it, get it done and move on but here was the exception. We
never had to make a choice like this before on what type of treatment would be
best for me, ever. All kinds of percentages, stats, the whole nine yards were
brought to our attention and were given all the time in the world to make my
choice. I could take weeks if I wanted but gave myself a day just for us to
think some things out.
One of the first things thought of
course was what I was hoping to potentially get done. I really didn't want to
have my whole brain zapped as I had a feeling that the side effects from the
treatment would potentially outweigh what I was comfortable with. It turns out
that it would after all possibly but one never knows for sure. I of course
wasn't a fan of the potential of me losing being me although there is no
statistical benefit of having the whole brain radiated versus the targeted
approach, just percentage points.
I of course am an anomaly. There
isn't a statistical case for anyone in my current predicament. Supposedly that
metastasized cancer to the brain happens with primarily lung cancer but where
mine is colon, it provides a rare case. I know I'm not normal by any stretch of
the imagination at all. I'm an odd cancer experience who seems to take a ton of
punishment and keeps coming back for more. I am not typically a sadistic person
but for some odd reason, cancer brings it out of me. Although I do enjoy being the
shining light through people's eyes, the one who makes a person think, the one
who tries to make a positive influence in one’s life when life hands you all
kinds of lemons. It's one of the best parts of the whole experience, though as
morbid as that sounds. I am a positive person overall but sometimes enough is
enough. Even Superman needs to be Clark Kent sometimes.
So we make the decision of the whole
targeting radiation to the area of the occurrence. Less side effects, same
amount of rounds, ten, and the potential for the 'old school' treatment or new
if need be. It wasn't an easy talk to have; it's not like choosing an appetizer
at a restaurant. It was one that would affect us both in the future but we
definitely believe that the proper choice has been made. Sure when something
like this occurs then more scans are needed upcoming but what's a few more
MRI's to have when you look at the type of life you lead. Overall when all is
said and done, making a life choice can be quite daunting but when you actually
think about it, its life as you know it, it’s not child’s play anymore. My
heredity of stubbornness and ignorance is one thing but reality does have to
set in at some point.
Of course the majority of this was
written between the hours of 5-6 am which is my ‘new’ normal wide awake time,
thanks to the fun mess of surgery, steroids and now bad habits but just felt
the need to get it out there. Hope you enjoyed the read.
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